Feminine Knowing

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When it smells off

Listen

This is a feral siddhi

Primal intuition

No you’re not “in resistance to what is”

No you’re not “blocked”

No this isn’t your attachment disorder

Or your core wound

Or your trauma

Or your spiritual immaturity

Or your growth edge

No this is not a projection

This is your innate bodily wisdom

The feminine knowing

Deeper than the mind

If it smells off

You’re right

You can trust yourself

Maybe words can’t explain it

That doesn’t mean it’s not real

It’s real

It. Is. Real

You are the harvester of wisdom

Buried deep in the black of earth

Down down down down

Way way down

You know

You feel it

You smell it

It’s simple

It’s undeniable

Feminine Knowing

You are an animal

Hunting Truth

That has no name

When it smells right

Eat it

When it smells off

Don’t

These are the feral siddhis

The intelligence of womb and belly

She is speaking to you

Listen

Don’t be pulled off track

By the brilliant webs of mind

By the hierarchy of logic

By the labyrinth of stories

By the theories bought and sold

The mind can turn anything into truth

Anything

Anything

So who is to trust?

When you don’t know where to step

Turn to the feral one

The wolf in your bones

The dragon in your belly

The one who knows

Without hesitation

Like a tiger in the brush

Knows when to pounce

Primal intuition

Trust yourself

Smell from the depths of

Crazy knowing

Listen

Receive

Hear what you knew

Long before you knew

You knew

Grief is the Sane Heart

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In this reality

Of impermanence

Where change

Is the only

Constant

And Kali

Lays her sword of

Time

Upon every

Precious lamb

Without discernment

Without favor

Without mercy

Yes

Every single thing

Shall pass

Every precious attachment

Will be returned to the ocean

In this reality

Of constant churning

Of birth and death

In every breath

Grief becomes a daily

Practice

Grief is way we dance on

The ashes

We know this in our bones

This holding on and

Letting go

Grief is the

Sane heart

The middle ground

In the space between

Our embrace

And dissolve

Before the next embrace

Grief is there saying

I loved you

Thank you

Goodbye

Feral Yoga

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My yoga is simple

It is

To turn every

Cell

Of my body

Into an ear

Straining to hear

Gentle music

In the distance

Then with all that I am

I listen

And wait

Until my body

Is the body

Of the universe

My mantra is simple

It is the silence

Between words

I give myself

Completely

To her dark velvet

Song

And I with all that I am

I listen

Until my heart

Is the black hole

At the center

Of the sun

Gushing power

Into radiance

As luminous as the morning

Wet with nights rain

I have just one place of worship

It is that one divine temple

That lives inside the core of

Every thing

My practice is simple

It is to inhale god

And exhale goddess

It is to chant unknowing

Into wonder

It is to hunt that joy

That is deeper than the mind

That swells in the belly

Of every sublime and heartbroken

Moment

Until my hunt fatigues

And finally

She has her way

With me

Koan

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The purpose of your

Life

Is to be

Confronted

By a problem

You cannot solve

This problem

Is your souls

Blueprint

It haunts you

And finds you

Again and again

You will try

Relentlessly

To resolve this problem

And in your trying

You will deepen

Into the primordial

Waters

Of wisdom, beyond understanding

This problem

Is the Beloved

That won’t let you

Get away

This problem only asks

That you live into her

This koan with no

Meaning

This mystery school

With one student

This perplexing

Problem

This repetitive question

This problem

Is your path

It is the way you walk the earth

Your life itself

Is the answer

Let Them Make Love

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You want to exist

That is not Holy

You don’t want to exist

That is not Holy

Heaven and Hell

Are a hairs breath apart

Always here

At the same time

Pulsing

In Holy rhythm

Together they are

Holy

The beauty and the tragedy

Pouring into each other

Feeding each other fruits

With their naked hands

Sipping power and delight

From their lips

Aching with erotic wonder

This is the crucible of

Living

These two worlds

In one space

You are the bridge

Where they gather

To love

Give Up

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When you fail

Don’t be so quick

To dust yourself off

With pep talks

Meant to get you

To rise up triumphantly

And exclaim

I am not giving up!

Don’t be triumphant

Instead

Give up

Yes that’s right

Give up

Not forever

But just for now

Just for a moment, at least

Just

Give

Up

Give it all up

You will be tempted

To comfort yourself

With spiritual concepts

Meant to assure you

This is all for the best

This is all part of a grand plan

To cleanse you

Purify you

To teach you a grand lesson

To make you triumphant

Glorious

Heroic

No

Don’t do any of this

Don’t be a hero

But also do not be devoured

By shame by self hatred

This is just the same game played

Backwards

No

Just give both up

Just for a moment

Just stay low

Low to the ground

Your false self

Shattered

Breathe the grass

Taste the dew

Inhale the soil

You failed

You broke

Life broke

Kiss the brokenness

And receive

Your true self is hidden

In these spaces in between

Chiron

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You were born

From a wound

Cut from safety

Delivered into

Cold wind

Received by

Broken hands

Wound

Is your Origin

You are made from

Sacred thread

Stretching back

To the beginning

Of time

To the wound

That broke this world

Into existence

So drink the nectar

Of never ending grief

From your open wounds flow

The dark winds

Of power

Throw away your

Mending tools

Drink deeply

And receive

Your wound is a

Chalice

Overflowing with

The elixir of

Life

You cannot heal it

It heals you

Holy Whore

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Can the body of a woman be your teacher?

The veils stripped away

Naked and empty

Is there a wisdom in her soft curves? 

Do you know the language of a circle?

What about her writhing undulations? Her wild pleasure?

Her wetness?

Can your lust inform your heart?

Is she sacred or profane? 

What about the animal of the body that is your one true name? 

Is she worthy of respect?

Or will you deem her as a petty object, unworthy of...

Does your Desire conflict with your Morality?

Does she seduce you into feeling things you would rather not feel?

Is she a demon? A whore?

A helpless victim?

Do you wish that you could rescue her? 

Does she make you feel angry? Scared? 

Are you lost? Have you forgotten the way home? 

Do you long to be reunited in the temple of the womb?

SHE

Keeper of the secrets

Mother of Oneness

The original ecstasy

Do you remember? 

Breasts

Soft forgiving endless love

The nectar of the heart

Eyes that gaze into the deepest corners of your soul

The ocean of her belly rocking 

Free and full and vital as you

Sucked and ached with such sweet longing that

Your tender heart broke open wide

Dissolving into All of Everything

Do you see who you really are?

Life is a Mystery

Sex is how we remember

Where God Lives

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I don't care how many degrees you have
Or what lineage you come from
Or what guru initiated you
Or how many sacred texts you've read 

Your credentials are irrelevant 

I want to dance with you
In the density 

I want to feel your
Unhidden brokenness
And savor
That luminous dark place
That shines
From the cracks
In your facade

I want to see the way your eyes
Look back at me
In that place where
We share
This absurd inside joke
Of being alive 

I want to see
The way you melt
Into the moment
With bravery 

Don't try to impress me, please
I want to see your honest terror
As you wobble into the unfolding
Mystery
Of the moment

Knowledge cannot teach you
How to pulse
In the fertile not knowing
Of the heart

Knowledge can not reveal
The wild innocence
Of your feral, love drenched being

Knowledge cannot strip you
Naked 

It can only conceal you

Your Ideas about truth
Are getting in the way 

Sweet child, see
God exists
In the uncertainty

 

All I Want is Me

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There is a place in my heart
When I sink down and in
Where I am surprised to discover
I am already whole
My mind is suspicious
Yet it is undeniably true
When I sink down and in
I find my problems
Are not actually problems
But places of wild tenderness
Where I find myself again
When I sink down and in
When I slow down inside
When I trust enough
To melt
I find
I am only ever meeting
Myself
And this meeting
Is the truth
It is the secret desire
Inside all desires:
All I ever really wanted
Was me

The Wound of Love

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Today
I gave up
On healing my trauma
I gave up
On practicing the skills
To become whole
Today I gave up
On evolving
Into that ever elusive
Better version of myself
Today I submitted
To the wound of love
I stopped pointing at it
Looking at it
Soothing it
Tweaking it
Fixing it
Finessing it
Hiding it
Polishing it
I stopped this game of separation
I crawled inside the wound
And spread it open
I decided to wear it like a gown
I accepted my total and utter
Failure
To be anything else
But me

The Poison is the Medicine

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Insecurity. Self doubt. Shame. 
Inside each of these is the seed of humility and grace.
The beauty of the mess. 
Natural. Uncontrived. You.
You without pretense. 
You without absolute certainty.
You arising spontaneously in the ever unfolding not knowing of the moment.
Insecurity. Self doubt. Shame.
They show you:
Who you are cannot ever be fully known and named and grasped. 
Insecurity. Self doubt. Shame.
In appropriate doses, these are great medicines.
Necessary tinctures for living an embodied life.
They keep you grounded. Humble. Sane. 
They keep you awake to your deep fragility. 
Leaving you pourous and thus open to receive. 
They are inoculations against narcissistic delusions of grandeur. 
We are not only God. We are human. 
Insecurity. Self doubt. Shame. 
Keeps you low. 
Pinned to the ground. 
Contained in this body. 
Tender to the touch of life. 
They are great protectors. 
They remind you you are not in control and
You do not know what's coming next.
You are not definitive. 
And you don't need to try to be.
You are, in your honest heart, not knowing.

The Doorway

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If you listen closely
You will discover
Your body is not only a tool
It is a doorway
If you are humble enough to listen
She will teach you
She will crack open this world
And lead you into another
She will peel away a veil and show you
That what you thought was solid
Is porous
What you felt to be known
Is actually dancing in the ecstasy of unbecoming
That in your right thigh
Is a vast web of constellated stars
That portals into wisdom are hidden in the
Space between your vertebrae
That oceans of mystic poetry are
Painted on the walls of some mysterious dark cavern
In your belly
That your breath can meet the curve of spine
In just the right way
That it calls your lost Beloved into your heart
The body is a doorway
And written on the archway it says these words:
Slow down inside
Feel me

 

Your True Face

Uncertainty
Confusion
Instability
Shakiness
Discomfort
Dont be too quick
To grasp the reins
To steer towards
A familiar sense of
Safety
To regain some semblance of
Control
Look closer...
These cracks in solidity
Are the fertile ground
Where life aches to
Unfold
The old is crumbling
The new is not yet formed
So shake and wobble
And let your weary heart doubt
Wash the clarity of your knowing
With the thick mud
Of confusion
These legs were not made
To walk a straight line
So dance
dance in circles
And fall down
You are the child of
Spirals
And thunderstorms
And
Your true face
Was always
Will always be
Wild

Desire

Sink sweetly into this
Stillness

The core, ripe and round within
Waiting to be peeled
The fruit of the tree is the
Nectar of God
Wet mouth wide, enveloping sky

The roots of the tree sink and drink from
Her
Leaves expand, reaching branches, open hands
Expand
Into Fullness

 

Come into this core
See and feel from the inside
Out
Come inside
Sink Deeper
Become the dance within the
Stillness
Watch how the static self melts

It is you who dances, dissolves

It is you ever changing
Transforming
In each
Moment

 

 

This Desire is the
Aliveness
Of You

Do not grasp

Savor the flavor of this
Flame
The hungry
Fuel of Life

The elixir of Desire is the
Magnet of the
Moon
The pull of her
Seduces
The movement of the
Waves
Desire is the flowers
Face
That reaches for the
Sun
Brings the nectar to the bee
Drinks the water up the roots
To the body of the tree

Desire is the bang of
Revelation
Beating in the
Heart
At the center of
Creation

Awaken!
Celebrate this movement
Here, now, for you
Desire is the sweet
Kiss of the

Beloved

Feminine Transmission

I am fluid water

Slippery love that gets inside the cracks of you

What is hard I will soften into earth

These illusions of control you grip and hold so tightly

Will crumble with one small flick of my wrist

One

Kiss

 

I can drip into the crevice where the structure starts to break

Filling up what makes the whole foundation shake

I am less concerned with gestures that create or destroy

I just flow where the space of the river opens wide

 

I am different every day

My love has no boundaries

I am changing every moment

 

This is not a whim or a spell

You see, there is an ecstasy in alchemy

 

My dance is a prayer with

Earth

Fire

Water

Air

All birthed from the spacious void of my 

Tender Womb

 

I can turn dense matter of earth into

Subtle frequencies of light

I can pull the heavy darkness 

Up inside of me

I can transmute it into prisms so subtle

They cannot be seen, only sensed

 

It requires the heightened instincts of an animal 

To feel such information

 

 

I can also take the fractals

Soft hints of electric language of the stars

Down, down, down into my body

Into thick black blood

Back into the earth

 

I am

Communing with the very pulse of this moment

I am taking in and letting go

Filling up and emptying out

I am the endless throb

The infinite thrust

Expanding

and 

Contracting

For Eternity

 

Beloved, Come and drink from me

I am a fountain which never runs dry

All of You

You. 

 

Yes You.

 

All of you. 

 

Your chaos and your madness

 

Your foolish nonsense

 

Your fearless magic

 

You are welcome here

 

Your passion and your eros

 

Your red fever dreams

 

Your resistance

 

Your doubt

 

Your power, wild and uncontained

 

You, yes, you

 

Your fist of rage

 

Your bottomless grief

 

Your heart break bursting out at the seams 

 

Spilling out in messy floods of Inconvenient feelings

 

You. 

 

Yes, you.

 

Your oceans of confusion

 

Your terror running deep

 

Your river of longing

 

Your precious illusions

 

Even if it makes you look foolish

 

Even if it makes you go mad

 

All of you is welcome here 

 

Your brain tangled with neurons Firing wild impulses 

 

From the dark forest of your unconscious

 

You are Welcome Here

 

The twisted vines and purple fog of melancholy in your heart

 

Your bloody messy crazy love

 

Your fears

 

Your Desires, wet with unrequited lust

 

Pushing and stretching to be expressed

 

The lies you told yourself

 

Your deepest regrets 

 

The mess of never getting it exactly as you had planned

 

You. Yes. You.

 

Your awkward stumbles 

 

Your shakey knees 

 

Your hunger for some meaning

 

You are welcome Here

 

Your flaming hatred

 

Your tender broken faith

 

Your need for control

 

You are welcome here.

 

Your untainted innocence 

 

Your will to rise again

 

The pain you try to hide .

 

You are welcome

 

Here. 

 

I want every part of me touched and seen

 

I want to be as big as the universe and

 

As tiny as an insect

 

I want every contradiction

 

Every disproportionate feeling

 

Every chaotic thought to be met

 

Right Here. 

 

I want to writhe and howl and groan with the deep root of Life

 

I want to be held with such soft sweetness that

 

This fragile ache finally opens and lets go.

 

 I want to be known as a depraved and holy animal

 

As consciousness, as infinite 

 

As flesh and bone and skin 

 

I want to roll on the ground and slither

 

I want to scream

 

I want to kiss where my feet have been 

 

I want to cry and need and feel

 

Right. Here. 

 

I want to explode and hold

 

This ancient pulsing groan of ocean that lives in me

 

Right Here.

 

Meet me here 

 

Where the paint touches the canvas

 

Where the past is dead and dangling

 

Where the future is a vacant space

 

Right Here 

 

Where this unfolding moment is the refuge of the heart

 

Right Here

 

Come with me

 

You are welcome here

 

 

Married to the Void

I admit, I am a creature of the Night....

For me the luminous abyss of Darkness is more beautiful than any display of Light.

I love the cool shade of a cave and the moment just before the storm rolls in at dusk.

I love the infinite stillness and silence of the Void and the booming power of the black hole where even stars don't shine.

I thrive in the realm of depth, mystery, secrets...

Attuned to what is beneath the surface, what is hidden and unspoken...

What has always been here all along...

I like to find the cracks where the light doesn't shine and slip inside and open wide and let love be made through me.

A deep sea diver of the psyche...

Digesting shadows and demons to birth ecstatic revelations...

My realm is the razors edge...

Between sacred and profane...

Between genius and insanity...

In the fluid waters beyond morality...

I speak for the forgotten ones... The forsaken ones...

Whatever is indecent, blasphemous or despised I will turn towards it with wide open eyes...

And taste the sacred truth sung by the nihilistic muse with divine black diamonds between her thighs...

This is the return to innocence 

I live for the naked wild truth...

I like to unravel all the meaning and lick the sweet nectar that remains...

I like to plunge into the heart of contradiction...

And find the One hiding in the most unlikely places....

I like to turn down all the lights and feel my way through the dark...to the secret core which the ordinary eye can never see....

The Path of the Serpent Owl

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It's okay not to have New Years resolutions

It's okay not to have big goals for your life

It's okay not to have plans you want to

Manifest

It's okay not to chase your dreams

That path is not for everyone

Some walk the path of

Unbecoming

They are traveling the road

Backwards

Seeking the core

What is basic and essential

What has been there all along

Though we may be headed the same direction

Our spirals are mirror opposites

Some walk the path of the visionary

Creating abundance and

Dancing inside a multiplicity of forms

And Some walk the path

of the serpent owl

Becoming more and more naked

Shedding layers of fantasy into the ash

Night sky

Sitting in the dark

And seeing the way the wind moves

They do not walk a line or

poise their arrow to the target

They sit at the bottom of the ocean

And wait

Letting the waves devour them

They are following the pulse

of listening

To silence

Like a tiger in the brush

Waiting for existence to strike lightening

Into the fire of the heart

For this kind

Nothing less will do

Some are opening the palms of their hands

And unraveling

To become

Less and less

Until they are

No-Thing

To become the still point

In the center of

All

You know who you are

Keep going

 

 

Space is the Altar and You are the Offering

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Give yourself 

To what is

Plunge inside the center

Of all your contradictions

Be the illegitimate love child 

Of Observed 

And Observer

Abandon your self consciousness

Like a feather dropped 

Inside a tornado

Burn your old pictures 

Burn your maps

Give yourself

To the undeniable

Now

 

Space is the Lover

And you are Beloved

Space is the Altar 

And you are 

The Offering

 

Let this moment bare it's fangs

Bite your flesh

Feast on your blood

Let it drag you into the field at dawn

To strip you to your bones

 

Give your belly over

To be ravished by space 

Give your heart over 

To be ravished by space

Give your mind over

To be ravished by space

Let love be the the wave you ride

Laughing as you go

Knowing the crash

Is inevitable