The Poison is the Medicine

Insecurity. Self doubt. Shame. 
Inside each of these is the seed of humility and grace.
The beauty of the mess. 
Natural. Uncontrived. You.
You without pretense. 
You without absolute certainty.
You arising spontaneously in the ever unfolding not knowing of the moment.
Insecurity. Self doubt. Shame.
They show you:
Who you are cannot ever be fully known and named and grasped. 
Insecurity. Self doubt. Shame.
In appropriate doses, these are great medicines.
Necessary tinctures for living an embodied life.
They keep you grounded. Humble. Sane. 
They keep you awake to your deep fragility. 
Leaving you pourous and thus open to receive. 
They are inoculations against narcissistic delusions of grandeur. 
We are not only God. We are human. 
Insecurity. Self doubt. Shame. 
Keeps you low. 
Pinned to the ground. 
Contained in this body. 
Tender to the touch of life. 
They are great protectors. 
They remind you you are not in control and
You do not know what's coming next.
You are not definitive. 
And you don't need to try to be.
You are, in your honest heart, not knowing.

The Doorway

If you listen closely
You will discover
Your body is not only a tool
It is a doorway
If you are humble enough to listen
She will teach you
She will crack open this world
And lead you into another
She will peel away a veil and show you
That what you thought was solid
Is porous
What you felt to be known
Is actually dancing in the ecstasy of unbecoming
That in your right thigh
Is a vast web of constellated stars
That portals into wisdom are hidden in the
Space between your vertebrae
That oceans of mystic poetry are
Painted on the walls of some mysterious dark cavern
In your belly
That your breath can meet the curve of spine
In just the right way
That it calls your lost Beloved into your heart
The body is a doorway
And written on the archway it says these words:
Slow down inside
Feel me

 

Your True Face

Uncertainty
Confusion
Instability
Shakiness
Discomfort
Dont be too quick
To grasp the reins
To steer towards
A familiar sense of
Safety
To regain some semblance of
Control
Look closer...
These cracks in solidity
Are the fertile ground
Where life aches to
Unfold
The old is crumbling
The new is not yet formed
So shake and wobble
And let your weary heart doubt
Wash the clarity of your knowing
With the thick mud
Of confusion
These legs were not made
To walk a straight line
So dance
dance in circles
And fall down
You are the child of
Spirals
And thunderstorms
And
Your true face
Was always
Will always be
Wild

Desire

Sink sweetly into this
Stillness

The core, ripe and round within
Waiting to be peeled
The fruit of the tree is the
Nectar of God
Wet mouth wide, enveloping sky

The roots of the tree sink and drink from
Her
Leaves expand, reaching branches, open hands
Expand
Into Fullness

 

Come into this core
See and feel from the inside
Out
Come inside
Sink Deeper
Become the dance within the
Stillness
Watch how the static self melts

It is you who dances, dissolves

It is you ever changing
Transforming
In each
Moment

 

 

This Desire is the
Aliveness
Of You

Do not grasp

Savor the flavor of this
Flame
The hungry
Fuel of Life

The elixir of Desire is the
Magnet of the
Moon
The pull of her
Seduces
The movement of the
Waves
Desire is the flowers
Face
That reaches for the
Sun
Brings the nectar to the bee
Drinks the water up the roots
To the body of the tree

Desire is the bang of
Revelation
Beating in the
Heart
At the center of
Creation

Awaken!
Celebrate this movement
Here, now, for you
Desire is the sweet
Kiss of the

Beloved

Feminine Transmission

I am fluid water

Slippery love that gets inside the cracks of you

What is hard I will soften into earth

These illusions of control you grip and hold so tightly

Will crumble with one small flick of my wrist

One

Kiss

 

I can drip into the crevice where the structure starts to break

Filling up what makes the whole foundation shake

I am less concerned with gestures that create or destroy

I just flow where the space of the river opens wide

 

I am different every day

My love has no boundaries

I am changing every moment

 

This is not a whim or a spell

You see, there is an ecstasy in alchemy

 

My dance is a prayer with

Earth

Fire

Water

Air

All birthed from the spacious void of my 

Tender Womb

 

I can turn dense matter of earth into

Subtle frequencies of light

I can pull the heavy darkness 

Up inside of me

I can transmute it into prisms so subtle

They cannot be seen, only sensed

 

It requires the heightened instincts of an animal 

To feel such information

 

 

I can also take the fractals

Soft hints of electric language of the stars

Down, down, down into my body

Into thick black blood

Back into the earth

 

I am

Communing with the very pulse of this moment

I am taking in and letting go

Filling up and emptying out

I am the endless throb

The infinite thrust

Expanding

and 

Contracting

For Eternity

 

Beloved, Come and drink from me

I am a fountain which never runs dry

All of You

You. 

 

Yes You.

 

All of you. 

 

Your chaos and your madness

 

Your foolish nonsense

 

Your fearless magic

 

You are welcome here

 

Your passion and your eros

 

Your red fever dreams

 

Your resistance

 

Your doubt

 

Your power, wild and uncontained

 

You, yes, you

 

Your fist of rage

 

Your bottomless grief

 

Your heart break bursting out at the seams 

 

Spilling out in messy floods of Inconvenient feelings

 

You. 

 

Yes, you.

 

Your oceans of confusion

 

Your terror running deep

 

Your river of longing

 

Your precious illusions

 

Even if it makes you look foolish

 

Even if it makes you go mad

 

All of you is welcome here 

 

Your brain tangled with neurons Firing wild impulses 

 

From the dark forest of your unconscious

 

You are Welcome Here

 

The twisted vines and purple fog of melancholy in your heart

 

Your bloody messy crazy love

 

Your fears

 

Your Desires, wet with unrequited lust

 

Pushing and stretching to be expressed

 

The lies you told yourself

 

Your deepest regrets 

 

The mess of never getting it exactly as you had planned

 

You. Yes. You.

 

Your awkward stumbles 

 

Your shakey knees 

 

Your hunger for some meaning

 

You are welcome Here

 

Your flaming hatred

 

Your tender broken faith

 

Your need for control

 

You are welcome here.

 

Your untainted innocence 

 

Your will to rise again

 

The pain you try to hide .

 

You are welcome

 

Here. 

 

I want every part of me touched and seen

 

I want to be as big as the universe and

 

As tiny as an insect

 

I want every contradiction

 

Every disproportionate feeling

 

Every chaotic thought to be met

 

Right Here. 

 

I want to writhe and howl and groan with the deep root of Life

 

I want to be held with such soft sweetness that

 

This fragile ache finally opens and lets go.

 

 I want to be known as a depraved and holy animal

 

As consciousness, as infinite 

 

As flesh and bone and skin 

 

I want to roll on the ground and slither

 

I want to scream

 

I want to kiss where my feet have been 

 

I want to cry and need and feel

 

Right. Here. 

 

I want to explode and hold

 

This ancient pulsing groan of ocean that lives in me

 

Right Here.

 

Meet me here 

 

Where the paint touches the canvas

 

Where the past is dead and dangling

 

Where the future is a vacant space

 

Right Here 

 

Where this unfolding moment is the refuge of the heart

 

Right Here

 

Come with me

 

You are welcome here

 

 

Married to the Void

I admit, I am a creature of the Night....

For me the luminous abyss of Darkness is more beautiful than any display of Light.

I love the cool shade of a cave and the moment just before the storm rolls in at dusk.

I love the infinite stillness and silence of the Void and the booming power of the black hole where even stars don't shine.

I thrive in the realm of depth, mystery, secrets...

Attuned to what is beneath the surface, what is hidden and unspoken...

What has always been here all along...

I like to find the cracks where the light doesn't shine and slip inside and open wide and let love be made through me.

A deep sea diver of the psyche...

Digesting shadows and demons to birth ecstatic revelations...

My realm is the razors edge...

Between sacred and profane...

Between genius and insanity...

In the fluid waters beyond morality...

I speak for the forgotten ones... The forsaken ones...

Whatever is indecent, blasphemous or despised I will turn towards it with wide open eyes...

And taste the sacred truth sung by the nihilistic muse with divine black diamonds between her thighs...

This is the return to innocence 

I live for the naked wild truth...

I like to unravel all the meaning and lick the sweet nectar that remains...

I like to plunge into the heart of contradiction...

And find the One hiding in the most unlikely places....

I like to turn down all the lights and feel my way through the dark...to the secret core which the ordinary eye can never see....

The Path of the Serpent Owl

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It's okay not to have New Years resolutions

It's okay not to have big goals for your life

It's okay not to have plans you want to

Manifest

It's okay not to chase your dreams

That path is not for everyone

Some walk the path of

Unbecoming

They are traveling the road

Backwards

Seeking the core

What is basic and essential

What has been there all along

Though we may be headed the same direction

Our spirals are mirror opposites

Some walk the path of the visionary

Creating abundance and

Dancing inside a multiplicity of forms

And Some walk the path

of the serpent owl

Becoming more and more naked

Shedding layers of fantasy into the ash

Night sky

Sitting in the dark

And seeing the way the wind moves

They do not walk a line or

poise their arrow to the target

They sit at the bottom of the ocean

And wait

Letting the waves devour them

They are following the pulse

of listening

To silence

Like a tiger in the brush

Waiting for existence to strike lightening

Into the fire of the heart

For this kind

Nothing less will do

Some are opening the palms of their hands

And unraveling

To become

Less and less

Until they are

No-Thing

To become the still point

In the center of

All

You know who you are

Keep going

 

 

Space is the Altar and You are the Offering

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Give yourself 

To what is

Plunge inside the center

Of all your contradictions

Be the illegitimate love child 

Of Observed 

And Observer

Abandon your self consciousness

Like a feather dropped 

Inside a tornado

Burn your old pictures 

Burn your maps

Give yourself

To the undeniable

Now

 

Space is the Lover

And you are Beloved

Space is the Altar 

And you are 

The Offering

 

Let this moment bare it's fangs

Bite your flesh

Feast on your blood

Let it drag you into the field at dawn

To strip you to your bones

 

Give your belly over

To be ravished by space 

Give your heart over 

To be ravished by space

Give your mind over

To be ravished by space

Let love be the the wave you ride

Laughing as you go

Knowing the crash

Is inevitable

 

 

Into The Wild

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Life is a painful confusing hot mess

Out of the particular mess you are inside of

Gorgeous, Transformational Blessings are born

From those blessings are born 

Another mess

From that mess

More blessings 

From those blessings 

Another mess

Every choice you make

Every direction you go down

Will flower into fruits 

Both bitter and sweet

A gorgeous blessing 

And a confusing hot mess

There is no escape from the mess

There is no escape from the blessings

Life is sculpting you with 

Tender brutal hands of Love

This is the pathless path

This is the journey into the Wild

 

Lady Eros

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You cannot hide from your Eros

Your heat

Your desire

Your longing

Your crazy fantasies

Your inconvenient hungers

Your messy truths

Your improper urges

 

You cannot hide from your Eros

She will hunt you down

And stalk you

 

Best to turn around

And face her

Look her dead in the eyes

Her electric, ferel

Untamed eyes

And just say

YES

 

Let her work you over

In the dark

With both eyes open

Let her swallow you

Into the wild

Until you become

Whole

 

This savage arising

Is the radical kindness

Of true life

Seducing you to

Deep secrets

Hidden in the deep

Soul ground

 

Your dignity is restored

In the most undignified way

 

Follow your Eros

There is a twist

At the end

 

Only one

Way

To find out

Love is Holding You

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What if

There is nothing to heal

Because you are alive 

Because you are a raw heart

Open and feeling, everything always

What if hurting is forever

And there is no final place

Of eternal happiness

Where everything is clear

And you suffer no more

What if your whole life has been an attempt

To find that place 

The keys to the kingdom 

Which is only a fantasy  

Made up by your mind

What if reality is even sweeter

What if there is nothing to heal

What if pain and pleasure 

Are soul mates

Who need each other 

And your heart is the graveyard

Where flowers bloom

What if hurting is forever

And all you need to do

Is surrender to that Love

That holds it all

Without needing anything

To be different 

 

 

The Path of Dhumavati

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Disappointment is sacred

Loss is my muse

Failure is my gateway

When the dream is shattered

When the hope sinks

When all is lost

True refuge is found

 

Here in this silence

This emptiness

Peace reveals its hidden face

The dark side of God

With black pupils 

That drip

Like the honey of stillness

With black pupils 

That illuminate 

Nothing

With black pupils like

Two bowls, full of space

Rounding out 

That echo

Of what used to be

 

When the circle is complete

When the line of my unfinished life

Has been broken

And there are no cracks that remain

Just space in between

Just silence broken open

Just the end of an exhale

 

In this temple of ruin

In this holy emptiness

There is only one thing that remains

Just One Thing

Just tender clarity 

Shining out like wild diamonds

Out of knowing eyes

Just one taste

Just two hands letting go

Just that returning

To the ground that was always here

Just that remembering

Just one thing

Just that one sound

You make

When you turn to face yourself

 

In this temple of ruin

My heart knows the secret

When there is nothing left to lose

Nothing left to hold on to

Just a smile, soft and bending

Like the arc of a rainbow

A smile that has no origin

Has no function 

A smile without purpose

That does not need the circumstances

Of this life

To meet any expectation

 

When all my preferences 

Are smeared wet rain 

When the fog on a window

Becomes the place for my heart

To press its small fingerprints

Against the glass

To watch it shine and fade

 

When I do not recognize 

The new path in front of me

When it is Just Me 

In my silence

Smiling at the moon

With a body

Full of Sky

Follow The Ache

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Embrace your
Attachments
Submit
To your
Unholy, Entangled
Earthly
Desires

These are the
Swords
That cut you
Deep
These are the
Knives
That cut you
Open
That pierce you
So the
Medicine
Flows in

The sacred ache
Of your wanting
Is the only
Force
Strong enough
To
Break
You
Down,
Down to the
Foundation
Where you are
Ash
To the
Flame
Where you are
Total
And Utter
Defeat

This is the
Secret Altar
Of Love
Adorned with the
Roses of
Bitter sweet
Fulfillment
Adorned with the
Skulls
Of naked Truth
Filled with the
Smoke
Of disillusioned
Dreams

This the
Secret Altar
Of Love
This is rock bottom
Where at last
True Freedom
Can Arise

When in doubt
Follow
The Ache

Lilith

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So much talk of the divine feminine these days yet most of what I see is still Eve worship... The holy mother soft yin receptive nurturing side of Her... There is a serious castration of the goddess going on in this perversely patriarchal worship of the gentle side of the feminine... It's like sucking at her generous soothing tit while forgetting the lower half of her body

If you want to worship the goddess and see the feminine rise you've got to get down on your knees and worship the holy savage power between her legs too

The sacred whore, Lilith, dark Goddess
The untethered wildness of her holy Night

The raw untamed boundless power that arises in the vessel of her sexual potency

This is the power that made God banish Lilith because Adam couldn't handle the undulation of her hips...kicked out of the garden and replaced by the submissive gentle digestible Eve

The power of woman is so fierce and total that it has been feared as evil

To worship this bitch you have to tread the fine line between sacred and profane, good and evil, madonna and whore, spiritual and sexual

She is not squeaky clean. She does not come to you in a bubble bath of roses. Smear your body in dirt if you want to know Her. She rises from the cunt. The messy sticky feral juice of power unbounded by duality...She is the radical force of life itself, moving without agenda or name, forsaken by the dredges of polite society. 
The feminine is not only the soft forgiving caress of the breast. She is pure Power. She is the pulsation of crazy wisdom erupting from the chalice of her sexual core. She is the tigress. She is the relentless throb of existence unraveling sacred truth, guided by the fierce instinct of non dual knowing. A magnetic pussy that dilates in tune with the Real. She is the descending current, married to the mystery of the divine in density. She is the bleeding orgasm of agony and ecstasy, and her temple is wrapped in snakes dripping down her thighs.

If you want to see the feminine rise, get down on your knees in the dirt and worship the messy cunt of the one who has been forgotten....

Naked Reality

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Hopefulness
And
Hopelessness
Are two sacred
bridges
Spun by the same
Thread of
Mind

Follow one to taste
The Truth
Of Infinite Potential
Follow one to taste
The Truth
Of Radical Surrender
Weave them together
While simultaneously
Unraveling both
And taste
Naked Reality

More exquisitely delicious
And
Tragically plain
Than anything the
Thread of mind
Could ever spin

The Beloved is
A Trickster
Kissing you with
One eye
Closed

One hand
Caressing your
Face
One hand a
Knife
In your back

How much
Love
Can you take?

Vajrayogini

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Vajrayogini Drinks her blood

To tell us: 

Look!

It is the realm of density, form and pain

That is the body of woman

It is the body of woman you must enter

To discover

The whole truth

The whole bloody, messy truth

Come into this body

Drink the poisons

Taste the meat

And experience the

Wave of Love

So luminous and dark

It swallows all distinctions

All preferences

With which you have built

The prison

You call your own home

A prison 

You have crafted out of

Wind

And the brittle leaves

Of mind

Come here, come down!

You wish to ascend

To be purified and clean

But it is through the Descent

That you see the Truth

Up close

She wears skulls to remind us:

You are going to Die

Embrace this fact

Let it rest on every breath

For the ground you stand on

Has no ground

Impermanence is

The nature of this beast

Remember you are dying

And be awake, NOW

She rattles her skulls

To show us: 

See?

Look underneath

Forget surface appearances

They are leading you astray

Go down deeper

To what is hidden

Underneath

Go down deeper

To the core, the roots

And see the One in everything

The Divine you seek

Is not some idealized light

Beyond the gates of

Heaven

It is right here

In the Holy Ground

The blood and guts

And dirt

The agony and ecstasy

Of this unfinished Life

There is nothing out there

Which is not already here

In the decaying matter of form

Your imperfect humanity

Shines with perfection

I drink my own blood

As an embrace

Of you

Come down! Come inside!

In the dense reality of Her

Birthing Pains

The bitter sweet scent

Of Her decay

And moist secretions

Of Her pleasure

Come! She says

Let me whisper in your ear

A sound which is

Deafening

It is the Truth

Which cannot be spoken

Only known through

The body

Of Woman